Open Letter To Mothers of a Gay or Lesbian Child
This is an open letter to mothers who are not in a good relationship with their gay or lesbian children:
My son is gay. I knew that he was gay when I realized that he had too many good things about him to be just one person; I think that he was two years old. His interests were varied, as were his abilities. Not only was he more able to get along with both genders better than most adults, but, as he grew up, he was able to converse on a multitude of subjects and participate in a multitude of activities. Do NOT insert snide remark here. He suffered because of who he was. I didn’t know it; he was that caring to protect me.
If you are not on good terms with your gay or lesbian child, you and your child will miss out…YOU more than your child. You will not be let in to his or her world and you will not be entrusted with their love. You will not be revered, respected or cared about if you do not know what a gift your child is. The fact that he or she is gay takes away nothing from the priceless life you brought into the world. It is another facet of who your child is and another piece of the magnificent puzzle that is life.
As my father said to my son when my son told him that he was gay, “Grandson, that means as much to me as the color of your eyes.” My father was an incredible man, just like my son.
Homosexuality is not a choice; it is part of a human’s makeup. Do you really believe that anyone wakes up one day and says to himself or to herself, “I think that, from now on, I will conduct myself in a completely different and largely unacceptable manner. I will make myself become attracted to someone of my same sex and I will prefer things that are confusing to all who love me. I will fight the urges of my physiology, sexuality and chemistry and do the exact opposite. I want to be someone who is often beat up, harassed and usually dismissed as being less than a human being. I want to be ridiculed and unloved by my parents and disciplined, sometimes unmercifully, for being other than what they had in mind when they created me.” Think about that for a few seconds. What in the Universe would be the gain of such actions?
If you have been unsupportive of your child because he or she is gay, you have just plain been unsupportive of your child. If you have had angry thoughts or have chastised or punished your child because of their homosexuality, you have acted against the very essence of life. Your child may very well go on and thrive anyway. However, it will never be because of anything positive that you did on their behalf. It will be in spite of all you have done to bring down the very being to whom you gave life. My son and his partner, Sam, had their committment ceremony over a year ago. As the most important icing on the wedding cake, they are now legally married. Sam is so amazing! I could not have asked for a better son-in-law!
Every child teaches his or her parents many things. They teach us what a true love really is, how much of a child we always will be and they teach us that the world is a wonderful place. They bring hope to the world while they bring validation to our existence. They are the children of the Universe…the future…the reason to face another day. Depriving your child of your love, trust, affection and esteem will cause you to wither and die an unfulfilled human; unloved by the very creature who was meant to love you unconditionally. Your days will echo with the laughter that might have been and you will look forward to the night because it brings sleep…and, with sleep, escape from the light.
If you are concerned about what sexual acts take place behind the door of privacy, are you so certain that the acts you perform behind those doors…or even elsewhere…are those which you believe are someone else’s business? If you show scorn to your homosexual child, or worse, you have done a crime against nature. Are you certain that it is wrong for two people to make love…ANY two people…more wrong than two people bringing fear and pain to each other? Have YOU ever been cherished?
I hope that I live long enough to see that marriage between same-gender people is accepted in our culture. There are so many people who accept hate between people and murder between people. The old hippie saying of “Make Love, Not War” is more blistering a comment on these times than I would ever have imagined.If you want to lose your connection to the Earth and to your time here, all you have to do is forsake your child.
Do not get me wrong; there is nothing for YOU to forgive. However, there is much for your child to forgive…if you ever get the chance and if you ever see the light. And this is the most important of all of my…tales from a broad.
Conny E. Van Dyke