When and If You Are Ready to Come Out…

I have taught my son many things. To be honest, he has taught me much more. What I want to leave you with now is the product of these things. The most important thing in life, as far as I am concerned, is to be who you are. Unfortunately, being who you are sometimes comes at a price. I wish that I could say that the person/s whom you fear hurting the most will “come around”. I wish that I could say that all parents, relatives, friends, employers, fellow employees, all peripheral people will come to understand and accept who you are. I cannot say that; I would never give you a hope like that. All I know for sure is who I am and who my son and his husband are; I stake my life on those facts.
It seems to me that there is a foggy place where some people hide when they are uncertain as to whether he or she should come out. This is a perplexing time because it is difficult to figure the pros and cons to being up-front about your sexuality.

There is the age-old practice of making a list of the positives and the negatives; my son Bronson still makes lists like this at times just so he can see the points in front of him.

The tricky part about this is whether or not that you know for sure if something is a positive or is a negative. It is not as if you are writing the pros and cons of buying a certain car; there are actual, unchangeable facts that you may call upon when purchasing a vehicle. Even if you know that, when and if you come out, you are in for a bumpy ride, you are still not a car.

You may very well have a good idea as to how a specific person will react. Then, again, maybe you will be surprised. That is the tricky part. You have to decide if it matters more in your life to have the support of one person or to have the support of your own inner-strength.

Your friends and relatives have come to know you without knowing all. With new information, they have to adjust…or not. When I found out I had colon cancer and wanted to let people know that there would be some changes in me, some dropped me immediately, some remained speechless. It was that time of them having to adjust to something new to my formula.They just had to decide on which side of the fence they belonged.My family has always known on which side of the fence each of us belong. Sometimes it just takes a while to get there. Sometimes it is just too much for people to compute that you are not exactly what they had come to know. Differences often make strangers; but you already know that.

The closing point that I will make is…just like I have always taught my son…there will be a time when you will know exactly what you should do and what you should say. No amount of prodding, cajoling or begging is ever going to make you do something which you feel is opposite to your own true way of living. At least there shouldn’t be. Any decision you make you should always do for your very own reasons; that is not to say that a reason may be because of what you honestly feel another deserves or doesn’t deserve. (There’s another one of those tricky things.)

In the case of Bronson, we already knew. But for him, it was the moment of complete release and no more question on anyone’s part. I know that he was much happier after that. He also realized that his anxiety had been for naught when it came to coming out to his family. I wish I could give that sort of happy ending to anyone who is in fear of showing the world who he or she really is.

(Left: Bronson and Sam on their Legal Day of Marriage, June17,2008 Right: Bronson and Sam stroll the beach in Bora Bora during Sam’s interview w/Kathy Griffin for Passport Magazine, during “My Life on the D List: Bora Bora)

I know more gay men and lesbians who have had bad experiences with their families regarding announcing their homosexuality than I know those who had a sane and loving experience like my son had. It hurts my heart to know that these wonderful people have had to endure such ignorant and hurtful times from the very people who should be loving them the most. The amazing thing about these people is that, for the most part, they continue to be caring and patient with the family members who turned them away when they were needed most. It just goes to character, I guess. And, that good character fiber must have come from the Universe because it is clear that the parents and family members do not have it.

All of this is to say that I send out my most positive thoughts to you that you will become closer yet to the loving Universe, the inevitable wave of Nature and the true meaning of what it means to live and to perpetuate love. Of course, some might say that is just more…tales from a broad.

Advertisements

3 Responses to “When and If You Are Ready to Come Out…”

  1. This pretty much hits it right on the head. I’m one of the lucky ones that I have an understanding parent. I love you, Mom.

  2. […] Read the rest of this amazing post at connyvandyke.wordpress.com. […]

  3. Bronson,
    It isn’t up to people to judge that is not what we want so why impose our imperfect ideas on others. We have the G0d given right to be who we choose to be in this life. I have talked to you a couple of times . In those times you have been as respectful to me as I hope I am to you. People all want the same thing, to love and be loved. To have respect shown to them. One way to do that is to be the one who starts the ball rolling. All of us need to be who we are. I may not agree with you but I wish you well and a happy life. You are a good person.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: