Un-Conditionally Me

I was sure that, although I had been dragged kicking and screaming into the 21st Century by my son Bronson, I did not have a phobia, condition, syndrome or wasn’t “damaged” like almost every person I know.  

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I really didn’t think that I was part of the new millennium because I was too old and not in-touch enough to fit in with the very folk I consider to be my friends. I didn’t have a condition. I was partly wrong.

I asked a very deep question of my son and son-in-law one Sunday afternoon.  If you know me, you know that I don’t do deep questions. I asked them how I would know when I am really being “me”. Being an actress, that seemed like a cogent question. My son’s reply was,”Maybe you should talk to someone about that, Mom.” That meant…see a shrink!  

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Since I have been doing a lot of things that I would normally be closed to doing, I said that I would find a doctor and ask him that question.  I found a doctor,Phd, who sees me once a week.  And he actually SEES me once a week, so I asked him that question.

I tell him stuff and he tells me stuff.  He taught me that I DO fit in with all the people I know who have “specialness”.  I am not sure if I am happy or sad.  All my life I was taught to “pull myself up by my boot straps”…and that is what I have done.  No big deal, just get over it! (Like Cher said in Moonstruck.) One foot in front of the other, shine it on, roll over it.  I have always just shaken my head to clear out the cobwebs and have pretty much decided to shelve things that distress me and deal with them later.  My mother and my grandmother taught me how to do this.  They were strong women who took hold of their lives and endured…everything.  They neither took shit nor gave it.  I am not that good; I do both.

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I have decided that, since I read an article regarding pharmaceutical companies and doctors, I will continue to “pull myself up by my bootstraps” by not taking more than the occasional Xanax for anxiety (usually associated with work) and continue my “coping skills” which I must have learned from my fore-mothers. 

Do I have a condition? Or, do I have a facet to my personality that the pharmacological neighborhood has made into a “condition” that heretofore was considered “normal”?

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I do enjoy the off-loading of some of my baggage and getting some real intelligent feed-back when I am with my doctor. I think that I am learning some things about myself that I did not previously know. However, I previously knew why I have done most of the things that I have done in my life. And BTW, it is ALL me.conny-site-1  I just didn’t know that I am “damaged”. I thought that I was “seasoned”. But that may be just some…tales from a broad.

*You may wish to read the following articles:Drug Companies and Doctors: A Story of Corruption  by Marcia Angell.  January 15, 2009, The New York Review, pp.8

Industry-Sponsored Clinical Research: A Broken System. The Journal of the American Medical Association, September 3, 2008

Shyness: How Normal Behavior Became a Sickness by Christopher Lane. Yale University Press. 263 pp., $27.50; $18.00 (paper)

Our Daily Meds: How the Pharmaceutical Companies Transformed Themselves into Slick Marketing Machines and Hooked the Nation on Prescription Drugs by Melody Petersen.m Sarah Crichton/Farrar, Strauss and Giroux, 432 pp., $26.00

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